“I Forgive Her”

 

November 8, 2016 – Stoneham Town Common

When I first laid eyes on my now-daughter Vanessa when she was just shy of seven months old, I knew I was going to have a big job of teaching and guiding her through life. I also expected I would likely learn a lot in the process of sudden motherhood, but never could I have guessed how much she would teach me.

 

I wrote an article last month that talked about how, through Vanessa, I had formed a very unexpected and unlikely friendship with Caroline Colarusso. Thereafter, a LOT of things took place during her campaign for State Rep which I remained committed to staying away from because I considered both Mike Day and Caroline our friends and neighbors, but most stunning and unavoidable for both Vanessa and me was the lack of response to a call from MassEquality for Caroline to clarify her stance on LGBT rights. That I could not stay away from because, as I had stated, when this 2016 State Rep race was over, we all would resume being neighbors and so any perceptions stemming from this election would likely stick. I conveyed this message so many times to Caroline, not just as a friend, but also as a professional publicist that was looking at the community we are all a part of and how critical a role messaging plays in such a local venue. That call fell on deaf ears.

To say Vanessa and I were hurt by the lack of response is putting it mildly. One thing that makes my daughter a very unique six-and-a-half year old is how civic-minded she is. She has been this way since she was four. It started by my merely bringing her to events and activities because I’m a single parent and didn’t have sitters, but I felt it was so important to be involved somehow because what shapes Stoneham directly impacts Vanessa, which makes action my responsibility. Never did I expect her to develop a deep interest. But here we are.

So this election, before MassEquality’s call, I was in an interesting position, which I explained in my prior piece. Vanessa wanted to hold signs for Caroline, but not for State Rep. She wanted to hold a sign for her friend, which prompted us to make our own so as to truly express what we were there for (much like we did in 2014):

We worked LONG hours on that sign! (Yes, those are individual pieces of construction paper we cut and hand-glued, and that’s a Vanessa Original drawing of Caroline, Vanessa and me standing together and holding hands) Within three days of proudly standing with it in Stoneham and Winchester, MassEquality made their call for clarity from Caroline, which ultimately went unanswered.

In the days that followed, I realized Vanessa and I could not hold that sign again. I had to have a difficult talk with her and was very honest about what was happening. She understood entirely and was deeply saddened. I have to say, I was stunned at how easily she “got it,” tried to make sense of it, and concluded in her own words, “I hope Caroline does the right thing.”

I don’t need to write up the play by play of what happened in the weeks leading up to yesterday’s election, but I will do what I’ve done all along: speak for myself. In summary, I stood by my original article because it represented what Vanessa and I experienced. I was also openly honest in my disappointment in the lack of response and what that signified to me. That lead to introductions and conversations with people I had been on opposing sides of in prior town elections, which was an intriguing surprise.

And that brings me to yesterday’s election day. I did not early vote because Vanessa made me promise we would vote together, as we had been doing since she was four years old. I picked her up from school and we drove to Town Hall, went inside, we read the ballot together, filled in the choices, submitted the form into the machine, put on our respective “I VOTED!” and “FUTURE VOTER” stickers, and headed out to the front steps of Town Hall.

Vanessa instantly spotted Caroline across the street. “There’s Caroline,” she said, pointing to her. “Can I go give her a hug? I forgive her and she needs a hug.”

I looked at her little happy face and said, “Sure, let’s go.”

As we stepped into the crosswalk, Vanessa took my hand and said, “We support her, even though she doesn’t support us.”

I felt my eyes start to well with tears. Just… wow.

We crossed the street and Vanessa called to Caroline, then hugged her. I hugged Caroline as well. I felt sad in that moment because it wasn’t the same for me, but I was still reeling from what Vanessa said.

We then crossed the street and met former School Committee member Jeanne Craigie in person for the first time. She took our photos (the one featured above and then this one):

After Vanessa ran around a bit with her classmates and I said “hello” to other neighbors, we then made our way back to our car.

“Mike’s Michaela’s uncle,” Vanessa informed me, as she waved good-bye to her school mates, as if I didn’t know already. “The lady (aka- Jeanne) is Mitchell’s Mom’s friend.” Also as if I didn’t know.

But here’s what Vanessa knows that she drove home for me in what she said and did after we left Town Hall yesterday:

We are neighbors. We’re all connected because we are a part of the Stoneham community. Vanessa was able to forgive Caroline and also just as easily cross the street, meet people, take photos and run around with her friends. And while I don’t expect I’m going to chase Cindy Hemenway or Megan Day around the gazebo while waving Rice Krispy Treats and with half a doughnut hanging out of my mouth, I believe we’re all supposed to be able to smile together and keep moving forward as a community with, and in spite of, all of the twists and turns that take place.

I write this with the knowledge and understanding that I’m going to be on the opposing side of many people reading this when it comes to a lot of near-future town-related issues. I’m okay with that. I make choices and take action because of what my heart truly believes to be right, much like Vanessa. The challenge along with that is how to stay or become united, despite some very deep-seated differences.

It is my hope that today could be a stepping stone in continuing to build bridges in our community. I know for sure that I am not alone in feeling this way. I love Stoneham, and together with Vanessa, we share a lot of pride for our town, our schools, and our leaders. Vanessa taught me to be more open and to forgive, and I don’t take that lesson lightly.

She makes me proud every single day, so it’s only fitting that I do the same for her. And with that, I want to close with “Congratulations on earning our votes to continue working for us as State Rep., Mike Day, and thank you, Caroline Colarusso, for your unwavering willingness to serve our community. We are lucky to have two Stoneham residents that are so willing to work that hard every day.”